I need a fly swatter

I am coming down off a total adrenaline rush and now I have a bit of a situation. It's a nice spring day (I can say spring day right??? it's almost APRIL for crying out loud -I'm choosing to ignore the forecast for the weekend) So I got back from the Dr this morning and what did I find? a freaking WASP in my home -and were it ONLY a white Anglo-Saxon protestant. No no...it was the awful huge flying bug that can sting relentlessly and never dies. (I should have said "sting relentlessly without dying" but in my nightmares they never die so I'm letting it ride)

It was downstairs swooping through the air and checking out our light fixtures for potential nests, I'm sure, and I couldn't handle it so I went upstairs to hide. What else was I supposed to do? We don't currently own a fly swatter, it was flying all over the place, and I really really really hate them. I figured, Fine. If it wants to busy itself making a home in my light instead of trying to find a way out and then getting pissed because it can't and then getting in the stinging mood, I'm ok with that. I'll just have Ryan destroy our lights when he gets home. Problem solved.

So I ventured downstairs briefly to grab some water (avoiding the nest making zone) and on my way back upstairs happened to look down (thank you Divine power of intervention) RIGHT before I was about to step on THE WASP! yes, that is correct. It was CLIMBING the stairs to find me. What. The. Hell. I ran into my bathroom and shut the door.

Now I realize this all sounds dramatic over a stupid bug, but really...I hate them. a lot. I hate bees because they sting you, but at least then they die. I like to think that they take that into consideration and thus only sting when left with no other choice. wasps do not have such thoughts in their head and they're a lot bigger. I must have had a traumatic experience when I was little or something because I really do just freak to a ridiculous extent.

So my rational side had a bit of a chance to catch up to me whilst sequestered in the loo and I realized that I could not spend the entire day in there. I also realized that 'it' being on the ground was actually an advantage for me so I looked around frantically for something to kill it with. (things that I didn't care if they got wasp juice on). I grabbed a hand towel and whipped it with it. Let me explain. In times without a fly swatter I have seen people do this and kill flying bugs with it. mistake. it is NOT the ideal tool for eliminating a wasp. It just got so pissed. --maybe a tiny bit stunned, but certainly not dead, just really pissed. I knew it was going to attack so I grabbed a nearby shoe and slammed it a couple of times. STILL not dead but a little dazed. Crap. crap crap crap. Back to the bathroom for something else. HAIRSPRAY! I sprayed it with a rather extensive stream of aerosol Sebastian maximum hold and still it crawled around. HOW IS IT DOING THIS? I figured the shoe idea was good, my shoe just wasn't heavy enough. RYAN's shoe to the rescue and it died. At this time I would just like to say, that it's seriously a bummer he just wasn't here in the first place. Isn't that supposed to be one of the perks to being married? bug removal?

Now I'm faced with a dilemma. This tragedy happened right at the top of my stairs. I am not interested in picking the thing up and I don't want to accidentally step on any dismembered limbs that went flying in the take down. Is it wrong the I'm really going to leave it there until Ryan gets home to remove of it? Of course I'm going to put a glass over the top of it in case it really isn't dead and just tricking me, but that's about as close as I'm willing to get. Sorry for the long post. I feel better after letting it all out though.

Ryanism

So the other morning Ryan and I were in the bathroom getting ready and we were discussing a text that I had sent him the day before. The conversation ended, a silent minute or so passed, and then Ryan turned to me and said, "honey, we're textually active" hehehe. Good one. And yes. Yes we are.

the rest of Florida and Savannah

After the manatees we went to a zoo and saw...MORE manatees. But not just manatees, HIPPOS TOO!

This is Lou. The first hippo I think I've ever been this close too. He was AWESOME! I think these big fellas just passed up giraffes to top the list of favorite zoo animals. I love a good long neck, but these things are so meaty and have such stubby little legs. i love it.

After Florida we drove to Savannah and it was AWESOME. I love it there. love it. We went on a ghost tour one of the nights and went down into the rum cellar of the pirate house (where all the pirates used to hang out and the first two chapters of treasure island were written) We saw the rum tunnels that led out to the water where sailors were kidnapped and we ate there too. It was awesome.

We also took a day tour and walked through an amazing house, we ate at the Lady and sons, (Paula's restaurant), we went out to Tybee Island and saw the lighthouse and Ryan found a Georgia bulldogs restaurant. -he was really really excited about that. -besides, he needed a little pick me up after the abuse he got the previous night.

You see, when the trolley picked us up at the hotel for our ghost tour, we stepped on board to find about twenty five tipsy elderly woman ....and that's it. Even the DRIVER was a woman. They were all over Ryan it was hilARious. The first thing we heard when we stepped on the trolley was some 60 year old yelling "fresh meat" followed by an uproar of cackling. Cat calls, ...asking him if he "needed a mommy"... and then from one even more mature, "hell, I'll be his grandma!" hehehe They were on him all night poor thing. I tried to defend him as best I could, but it was me against a hoard of drinking daisies. there was nothing I could do. Finally when the night was over and they dropped us off at the hotel, I figured if you can't beat'em, join'em. I looked back as we were walking in, to make sure we had all the ladys' attention still on the trolly (of course they were all enjoying the view of Ryan's back side) and slap-grabbed his bum for all to see. You should have heard thr roar that went up from inside that trolly. The Windows were all closed because it had gotten cold, but you could hear the eruption within. A wave of squeels whoops and laughter swept out into the night while we continued to walk through the doors; Ryan's head help high the whole time. (I think he liked all the attention)

Our hotel was beautiful, the city was incredible, the weather was great and we even got to eat at Noble Fare (an insanely delicious fancy restaurant with an ever changing menu and truffles galore) courtesy of Kev-dawg and Kay (it's their favorite restaurant of ALL time). It was the best three days ever and I'm so glad we made it one of our stops.

Manatees

So Ryan and I took a trip down south in Feb. It was an awesome road trip that started in Crystal River Florida and ended in St Louis. I'll explain the whole trip, but this post alone is dedicated to Florida and the manatees. Three years ago I met Ryan's uncle who happens to live in a place that sees the highest influx of manatees in the winter months. Turns out,.. you can go swim with them and he does it all the time. I wanted to swim with them. Who wouldn't right?

It took us a few years, but we made it and it was a-ma-zing! Seriously. THey were evereywhere. You had to be careful not to hit them with your fins. the little babies were so cool and playful and the moms didn't care if you were touching them. I am SO glad that we got to do it. Thanks to uncle James and aunt Joy for letting us come out. Above is Ryan with a baby and I'm below with a baby.

Funny anecdote for you. before we got in the water the guide told us that they really liked to be scratched under their arm pit and if we wanted them to stick around for a while just do that. Fine. Easy enough and it's true, they loved it. Toward the end we noticed some babies sucking on their mom's armpits though,...weird we thought. Oh wait,...they were nursing. that's right, manatees nipples are in their arm pits. NO freaking wonder they liked us rubbing them there. We got to second base with a whole lot of manatee that day. It was awesome!

Chili cook off

Every year the park ward has a chili cook off. This is pretty much the highlight event for our ward. Last year Ryan and I didn't realize what a huge event it was (please excuse us, we were new) and arrived late. Mistake. All the chili was gone by the time we got there. Well this year we were determined to make up for that. Well, Ryan has developed quite the rapport in our ward and we were asked to be judges this year too -ensuring all the chili we could possibly want. Side note, You should have seen the way Ryan's eyes lit up when they asked him; as if every hope and dream he'd ever had was being fulfilled. My eyes probably looked like they could already feel the heart burn coming on.

Of course we wanted to submit a chili of our own, but we had a bit of a disagreement. I wanted to submit the best chili I've ever tasted, Halloween Chili (named so because my mother-in-law D.A.O. makes it every Halloween for her trick-or-treating children and grand children) Ryan, however, does not adore her chili the same way that I do (how does it feel under that bus Ryan?) and wanted to submit something with a little more spice. Thus, two entries.

That's right, brother Ostler against Sister Ostler going head to head. (we were judging the other half of the room so it was completely fair) Tension was high when the awards began, but then they called it. Best in show goes to......Brother ostler. Now let me throw a few things out there. FIRST, Ryan's pot had a good two inches left in it at the end of the night, and mine was scraped to the bowl. to the bowl! SECOND, our entire primary class AND one of the judges from our side said that mine was way better by far. THIRD, Ryan had a whole lot of time left home with my chili while I was at work and he was making his. ----I'm not calling foul play...just saying. FOURTH, my cause may not have been helped by the fact that I made a sign with arrows pointing to our individual chilis with a note asking people to let us know if they thought mine was better. -I'm guessing that the judges don't respond well to poor sportsmanship. FIFTH and finally, DAO and I were robbed. This is all I have to say.