I need a fly swatter

I am coming down off a total adrenaline rush and now I have a bit of a situation. It's a nice spring day (I can say spring day right??? it's almost APRIL for crying out loud -I'm choosing to ignore the forecast for the weekend) So I got back from the Dr this morning and what did I find? a freaking WASP in my home -and were it ONLY a white Anglo-Saxon protestant. No no...it was the awful huge flying bug that can sting relentlessly and never dies. (I should have said "sting relentlessly without dying" but in my nightmares they never die so I'm letting it ride)

It was downstairs swooping through the air and checking out our light fixtures for potential nests, I'm sure, and I couldn't handle it so I went upstairs to hide. What else was I supposed to do? We don't currently own a fly swatter, it was flying all over the place, and I really really really hate them. I figured, Fine. If it wants to busy itself making a home in my light instead of trying to find a way out and then getting pissed because it can't and then getting in the stinging mood, I'm ok with that. I'll just have Ryan destroy our lights when he gets home. Problem solved.

So I ventured downstairs briefly to grab some water (avoiding the nest making zone) and on my way back upstairs happened to look down (thank you Divine power of intervention) RIGHT before I was about to step on THE WASP! yes, that is correct. It was CLIMBING the stairs to find me. What. The. Hell. I ran into my bathroom and shut the door.

Now I realize this all sounds dramatic over a stupid bug, but really...I hate them. a lot. I hate bees because they sting you, but at least then they die. I like to think that they take that into consideration and thus only sting when left with no other choice. wasps do not have such thoughts in their head and they're a lot bigger. I must have had a traumatic experience when I was little or something because I really do just freak to a ridiculous extent.

So my rational side had a bit of a chance to catch up to me whilst sequestered in the loo and I realized that I could not spend the entire day in there. I also realized that 'it' being on the ground was actually an advantage for me so I looked around frantically for something to kill it with. (things that I didn't care if they got wasp juice on). I grabbed a hand towel and whipped it with it. Let me explain. In times without a fly swatter I have seen people do this and kill flying bugs with it. mistake. it is NOT the ideal tool for eliminating a wasp. It just got so pissed. --maybe a tiny bit stunned, but certainly not dead, just really pissed. I knew it was going to attack so I grabbed a nearby shoe and slammed it a couple of times. STILL not dead but a little dazed. Crap. crap crap crap. Back to the bathroom for something else. HAIRSPRAY! I sprayed it with a rather extensive stream of aerosol Sebastian maximum hold and still it crawled around. HOW IS IT DOING THIS? I figured the shoe idea was good, my shoe just wasn't heavy enough. RYAN's shoe to the rescue and it died. At this time I would just like to say, that it's seriously a bummer he just wasn't here in the first place. Isn't that supposed to be one of the perks to being married? bug removal?

Now I'm faced with a dilemma. This tragedy happened right at the top of my stairs. I am not interested in picking the thing up and I don't want to accidentally step on any dismembered limbs that went flying in the take down. Is it wrong the I'm really going to leave it there until Ryan gets home to remove of it? Of course I'm going to put a glass over the top of it in case it really isn't dead and just tricking me, but that's about as close as I'm willing to get. Sorry for the long post. I feel better after letting it all out though.